Help for parents whose adult children suffer from drug or alcohol addiction
ONLINE COUNSELING FOR INDIVIDUALS IN MARYLAND & FLORIDA
CONSULTATIONS & EDUCATION FOR PARENTS EVERYWHERE
It can feel absolutely surreal that this is happening to your child and family. You deserve compassionate and judgment-free help.
Dear Parent,
I know how challenging and painful it can be when your child is afflicted with a substance use disorder. You might wonder how in the world this even happened. You did so many good things for your child and gave them everything they needed to be happy and healthy, and to succeed in this world. You put so much effort into raising them, and when you found out that they actually had an addiction problem, you dove right into problem-solving mode - as usual - ready to help them overcome this dreadful illness.
You researched and found options for therapy, recovery centers, AA or NA groups.
You drove them to (and probably sat in on) appointments with doctors, counselors, etc.
You talked and reasoned (argued and pleaded) with your child repeatedly about what they needed to do in order to stop using and get healthy.
Unfortunately, there was another problem you didn’t foresee…
Your adult child wasn’t going to go along with your plans so easily.
You found out that they might not be as interested in their recovery as you are.
And, this is when the acute stress of fighting addiction usually turns into a potentially chronic stressor that can cause so much suffering.
You’ve learned so much already…
The fact that you’ve worked on your own personal development and that you’re really good at helping others is a wonderful thing.
You may have tried…
Participating in support groups
Implementing boundaries
Putting energy into "positive thinking"
“Detaching with love”
Distracting yourself by staying busy
Reinforcing “good” behavior
Engaging in more self-care
Communicating with tools you’ve learned from a group or blog…
But, these things didn’t work…
Or they worked sometimes…a little bit…for a little while…
Because they didn’t address the very nuanced and unique causes of suffering that parents in this situation face.
It isn’t your fault: you weren't taught how to deal with ALL the challenges that this situation brings. There wasn't a class for parents of addicted adult children on how to cope with the ongoing uncertainty, the waves of emotion, or on how to set boundaries with loved ones when addiction is involved. And if there was, it didn't come from someone who truly understood all the hidden nooks and crannies that come with this problem.
As both a licensed counselor and someone who has experienced first-hand the suffering that can result from having a loved one with a substance use problem, I put a lot of effort into analyzing the causes of that suffering and how to truly transform it.
While helping hundreds of parents and other family members, I discovered along the way that there is a LOT of noise out there about what you “should” do when you are the parent of an addicted adult.
But this problem is so highly specialized that family, friends, and even well-meaning professionals tend to give advice that leads to more harm than good.
Which is why I help parents with issues like:
Emotional & Physical Pain
Nothing has ever felt so maddening and heartbreaking at the same time. The grief can be so intense at times, it hurts physically.
Frustration, anger, shame, fear, resentment, and guilt are common experiences.
The stress this challenging situation brings can manifest in the body and cause physical symptoms or illness.
Anxiety & Obsessive Worry
Th ongoing anxiety keeps you living in your head, with so many questions: What can you do to help your child? Or what should you NOT do?
Is your child still just an “addict,” or are they now schizophrenic, brain-damaged, homeless…and does this mean you should be doing more?
What if something bad happens - will you be able to handle it?
Communication and Behavior
Not knowing what you “can” say to your child leaves you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.
You WANT to have a good relationship with your child, but you're tired of paying...financially, emotionally, or physically for their choices.
You want to let go and focus on your own life, but you wonder if it’s okay to do this. It’s like you’re “damned if you do & damned if you don’t.”
Therapy with me will help you:
Know exactly what to do when you are stuck in your head and feel waves of anxiety, guilt, grief, resentment, etc.
Feel calmer in your body and mind, when you feel stressed out by your child
Set boundaries and say no, without being “weird” or harsh
Distinguish between enabling and helping MUCH more easily
Tease apart what you can and can’t control
Focus on and enjoy your own life again, without bracing for the next disaster
Have a healthy relationship with your child, so that you can get back to being a loving parent who offers connection and support, while also caring for yourself.
FAQs about Therapy for Parents
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No. If your child is in recovery, many of the issues raised by addiction don’t go away; so I can help with that situation too. I also help parents whose adult children may be homeless or have other mental illnesses. And, I can help if you’re dealing with a partner/spouse, sibling, or parent who has an addiction issue as well.
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For parents who reside outside of Maryland or Florida, I offer "Therapeutic Intensives," which are consultations and not therapy - but they can feel very therapeutic. Find out more by clicking here.
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I think it’s a confusing phrase that different individuals interpret differently. What I know is that in order for parents to find peace and feel good about themselves, they need to be kind, loving, and helpful to their children, AND that this can be done without sacrificing their own well-being. Being good to yourself and to your child are interdependent factors.
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I started helping parents with this problem because there are so many challenges that come with it. AND, because I wanted their adult children to feel loved and treated with kindness. I’ve found that many therapists, friends, and support groups suggest measures that are ineffective and/or too extreme when attempting to help parents. My approach is simple, but it’s based on research, my professional experience as an anxiety and stress specialist, and as someone who has personal experience with family addiction. I won’t give you platitudes that aren’t helpful, and I tailor my expertise to your unique situation and the results you want for yourself and your loved ones.
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I so wish I could! But, the truth - as you probably already know - is that one never can tell what will give someone the capacity to seek, receive, and apply what they need to be healthy and overcome addiction (or other) problems. We focus on how you can achieve well-being and health, so that you can also be the helpful and loving parent you want to be for your child.
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You can schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with me. This is usually enough time to see if I can help, and for you to decide if I’m the right therapist for you. If you click on a “free consultation” button, you’ll be taken right to my calendar to schedule. Or, feel free to email me with the contact form.